Monday, September 05, 2005

Crash Test Dummy

So I just finished internet-sharing the photos from my little girl's first birthday, and what a world this has become! Just over a year ago, I was numbed out from the waist down and totally unaware of the changes a baby would bring to the simple task of life. I know that I used to have lots of things to do (i.e. go to work and wish I were somewhere else), but somehow nothing I ever had to do was as all-encompassing as "Staying at home" with my girl. To respond to W.O.'s question of what did we do before kids? We did a whole lot of what you now call "Clock-watching," only then it was the most important thing we had to do that wasn't at work.

I have lived through all sorts of indignities now that I never would have imagined would make me happy. It's true that your own child's poop doesn't smell as bad as someone else's child's poop. (now notice here that I did not say it doesn't smell bad- 'cause we all know that would be a lie- it smells REALLY bad!). I have not minded being ripped apart and sewn back together (at least I didn't mind it as much as my Hubby minded it...) I have not minded getting sucked on, puked on, peed and pooped on, having my hair/skin/earrings pulled almost completely off of my body. I have not minded not eating or showering until 4pm, or not sleeping a full five hours in a row for four months (and I had it good in that case- some aren't so lucky), or spending most of my "disposable income" on disposable diapers and "disposable" baby clothes every two months. I'm tellin' ya, those babies are cute for a REASON, y'all. It's so they can control us without ever saying a word. (except now my girl says "Hiiiiiiiii!" whenever I get that tone of voice that means "I'm trying to be stern and angry- grrr." And I have to fight a smile every freakin' time! It is so annoying to want to avoid future monster-hood as much as possible, but to literally have to fight to be mean or stern or scolding.)

Now my little girl is walking, mimicking sounds and actions, and generally getting into anything in her reach- and her reach is growing. The other day I came out of the kitchen from washing dishes to get my girl out of the high-chair where she had been eating breakfast, only to discover her sitting in the middle of the dining room table, munching on my car keys! Yes, I made the mistake of forgetting that a quiet child is a dangerous child. It is totally true that when you can't hear your child, they are doing something you don't want them doing- like "playing" with the cell-phone or chewing on the raw potatoes, or pulling each and every item out of the trash-can and throwing it on the floor, only after identifying it with thier mouth. I swear if I don't lose a few pounds chasing her this year, it will be because I have had to increase my chocolate and wine intake to deal with the aftermath.

So, when nostalgia kicks in, I look at the really early baby photos, and think of those first days of motherhood and sigh and wipe a tear, and then I realize I can't hear my girl, and find her in the bathroom playing in the trash and unrolling the toilet paper directly into her mouth. Ah, Kids. They're such a blessing!

The I.O.


Blogger The Witty One said...

HEY! Where is my e-mail notifying me of the existence of said pictures of chiclet's first birthday??!! That I haven't sent any pictures in way too long is absolutely no excuse. Harumph.

Oh yeah, the silences. That was when I used to find the little guy playing in the toilet. Maybe we've reached a milestone, 'cause today he was too quiet so I went to look and he's just studying intently the little brochure that comes with a new Thomas the Tank Engine series train (so your little greed monster can begin shopping for his/her next new toy right now). So intently, like he was reading The Da Vinci Code or something. So sweet.

9/06/2005 7:56 AM  

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