20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants | Cracked.com

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20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants. Diapers and milk. Anything else is excessive.

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Um, Holy Crap. I laughed until I cried reading this post from Cracked.com. I am proud to say that I own none of these products. See, I prefer to traumatize my child the old-fashioned way- one embarrassing social-interaction at a time. Still, if anyone owns these, I'd love to hear your praises or complaints about them!

The Irreverent One

You know you missed us. Not (ting Hill).

We're back, and we know, we disappointed you. And this is how you felt:



After all, we were the ones who knocked on your blue door (even if we were maybe a little too desperate to be making decisions at that point). Nonetheless, you couldn't help it about your strange, Welsh roommate. We just kept insinuating ourselves back into your lives with our oddball posts and strange timing, and despite any misgivings you may have had, we persuaded you with our quirky sense of humor and disarming honesty.

We hooked you, made you laugh, led you on. Then we left you cold, crying into your tea, without even so much as a goodbye. Or maybe you were on to hard liquor by the time the itch hit us, we can't really remember, which is also reflective of our neglect. It wasn't you, it was us. Really.

We just weren't ready for the commitment. We thought it would be easy to move on, to start other blogs, to just jot things down occasionally on scraps of napkin. And plus, there was MySpace and Facebook and so many other non-committal ways to enjoy the internet that we just...had to sow some wild oats, we guess. Plus, the demanding film schedule, you know. But it just wasn't the same.

So that's it. We're back. No really, we're ready this time, and it's gonna be different. We know it will. We've dumped our selfish Hollywood caricature of a boyfriend played by Alec Baldwin and we brought you a painting. Can't you see we're nothing without you? Can you find it in your heart to come back to us again?

Here, have this:

It's, uh, $22.99 at AllPosters.com. Sorry, but, you know, the economy and all that. Anyway...

Because after all, when it really comes down to it, we're just a couple of girls, standing in front of you, a bunch of strangers, um, asking you to love us.

Hmm, somehow that didn't come out sounding like I imagined it would.

But this time we promise it'll be all Chagall-esque, what with violin-playing goats floating in a dark-blue sky and things. And in the end shot you'll be lying there pregnant with your head on our laps in a private London park. (or maybe we have to be the ones with our heads in your lap, in this analogy, in which case, ix-nay the pregnancy part. What do you think we are, some kind of ho's?!)

So come on, give us another chance? You'll be glad you did.

(And just to stave off the inevitable inquiries, I really don't know where that came from. I have seen that movie maybe twice; last time two or more years ago? Although I just love the song. Go figure.)

Make Like Vinnie Barbarino and welcome us back!

Okay, so we've only been gone for ... 3 years? I guess the Witty one has the bug again, because she and I have decided to re-animate this blog! I have been around, trying my hand at a Solo Blog here, and though it is fun having my inde-blog-pendence, I just missed my sister so!!! Also, I think I am funnier when she is my audience/cohort/partner-in-cyberspace. So, hang onto your hats, kids, and start checking this one more often 'cause we're BAAAAAACK!

The Irreverent One